Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Featured in Collections

journals by jessamber123

Journals by galadriel-the-small

Journals by GuardianOfCliffton

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
March 28, 2013


104,346 (64 today)
13 (who?)
Hi everyone!  So...I haven't said too much or been very active for the past 6 years or so...I was active for my first full year on DA but then life kinda happened and I wasn't on very much.  So I thought I would say everything that has happened and what is currently going on in my life because I would love feedback and opinions.  Needless to say, I have missed you guys, I have missed you all a lot. *gets teary-eyed*  

The last time I was very active on here I was studying Computer Science at Texas Women's University.  I started studying weightloss as I was very unhappy with my life and I had been obese most of my life.  I was severely OCD as well...if I didn't have classes I would never have left my home. I was scared of germs and contamination.  My mom had to start accompanying me to places to open doors because I was too afraid to touch door knobs (yeah it was THAT bad :/).  But as I began losing weight I started having more people approach and talk to me...then I decided to change schools and go to UNT which seemed like a cooler school at the time (which was kind of a mistake since TWU was more prestigious).  I left behind a scholarship too, at TWU I had a full paid scholarship and a 3.8 GPA and I was treasurer of the Engineering group and the Dean of the Engineering program was a friend of mine and he made all that happen.  But I hated my life there and once I started studying engineering at UNT I still wasn't that happy.  I was one of the only girls in my classes and I didn't feel like I could make friend, well I had never really had a friend yet ever...but I was working on it lol :P  So I transferred to the business department.  I had to teach myself how to socialize...I started writing in my journal and made a new step everyday to try and talk to someone.  Drawing was easy compared to socialization for me.  So I gradually came out of my bubble and business school pushed me and I began giving professor still contacts me on FB to talk to his classes. :)  As I learned to socialize, that is about the same time I had to quit drawing and being on DA :(  I was behind on school once I switched majors... so I was taking around 13 to 15 hours of class and working 20-30 hours a week to help pay for everything since I no longer had a scholarship. But on the bright OCD almost completely vanished when I started working my heart out.  And I started to become very happy :)

I met a boy at my job and started dating him when I was 22, his friends became my best friends.  But as the relationship went on he grew more and more unhappy with his life.  He would get mad at me for little things like putting several sugars in my coffee at Starbucks because he didn't want to wait on me. Then I graduated in 2010 at the age of 24 :)  I didn't make too good grades like I did before, I didn't study too much but I was so sick of school I was just ready to be out.  My boyfriend at the time made me cry the day I graduated, he told me I embarrass him...He kept saying that on that day.  A few weeks before I graduated, I created a business plan and presented it to my dad.  My dad is a very successful business man and he owns a lot of commercial properties.  I asked him if I could use one of his properties to run a business, I chose a property that he wasn't able to rent for several years because it was so old and run down but at a great location.  He said yes. :) So 2 days after I graduated, I started getting hard at work repairing and working on the studio.  I had been living with my boyfriend for a year, he was very bad with finances and was in a lot of debt because he stole some stuff from the place we worked, went to jail, I bailed him out and then he was in a lot of debt from paying for a lawyer and school debt.  So For that past year in 2010, I put up a Craigslist ad to have someone take over his lease, I let him room with me, bought some of his groceries and even let him borrow $2600 (I know I am an idiot).  I made it so he had no rent or any bills to be paid except for his dept ...So 6 months later I opened my took a lot of hard work to repair and fix the building.  My dad ended up spending about $15k to $20 to fix the building...and the city approved me and I opened up shop!  Right at this time, I started talking to my family and friends about how my boyfriend was treating me, he would start going through rage fits every night and made me cry everyday.  I never once yelled at him I just kept saying I am sorry but I didn't know what I was doing wrong.  He was starting to say stuff like "you are unattractive to me" family started to tell me I might be in an abusive relationship and I couldn't see it at the time but...I see it now.  He made me move most of my belongings to our closet where I spent a lot of my time.  And he threw out most of my furniture.  And because we had just signed a lease together(he wasn't paying rent for the first year we were together but when we signed a new lease he could afford it) and he knew I was making money I paid him a quarter of the rent for the next 7 months even though I no longer lived there.  If I could go back in time, I would have said shove it.  The first month my business was open I hardly had any clients and my dad started to get on to me saying I was a bad business woman...but the 2nd month I made $7.5k :) and it was all from social media...the next few months I didn't spend anytime marketing, I was working hard doing a lot of customer service and working with clients. By the 3rd or 4th month open my dad was getting people asking to rent the property since I fixed it up it was beginning to appeal to other businesses.  My dad made me show the place to others and I told my dad that he said I could use it but because I didn't run my business the way he wanted me too he kept threatening to take it away.  I had put in about $12k of my own savings and my dad let me borrow an additional $15-20k at the start for equipment.  My dad owned his business next door and kept coming over about 6 times a day telling me how badly I was running my business. A few months of his all his negative remarks and I began falling into a depression.  I started taking out my stress in the gym, roughly 2 hours a day, EVERYDAY.  I ended up injuring myself and malnutrition myself, a lot of my earnings were going to medical stuff.  I have an inflamed rib cage which will never go away, if feels like a knife is in my side but I don't feel it too much these days.  I started turning down clients about 6 months open...I didn't want to book anyone if my dad was going to rent out the depression was getting very very bad at this point.  I was hoping a car would hit me when I came home everyday.  I started getting more calls and just let them go to VM.  I then up and left my dad and the studio after 11 months or so...I applied to some jobs and told the interviewer what I did with my business and got hired in the first 10 minutes...the employer just said WOW! You were doing so well!  At this point I was like, well?  I thought I was doing awful, the things my dad told me kept replaying in my mind.  I didn't take the jobs I started applying for...I was too depressed to keep one. :(  Then I met a boy...I met him 8 months after my last relationship. I had a lot of friends warn me about him (13 friends and family members -_-), but I couldn't see what they were talking about.  He seemed so nice to me. So I began a new relationship with him...2 months in he started to complain about how far away I lived...30 min. and I felt pressured to get an apartment near him. I really wanted to save money and was living with my mom at the time...and I shouldn't have but I went and got an apartment next to him. AND THEN HE KIND OF MOVED IN. :(  I didn't really want him too but he was uh...a con artist. He had 2 kids that he didn't pay child support for, he said it was the girls fault for getting pregnant so he refused to take part in his kids lives. He was unemployed and living with his mom...I ended up paying all his bills for about 6 months and rinse and repeat my last relationship...except this guy gave me bruises and had bad rage fits that gave me some physical pain...I was with him 13 months and when I found out he was cheating on me too I told him to go away.  That apartment and paying his bills and the studio bills drained me quite a bit, I was paying $1600-$1800 a month.  So I up and decided that I just need to get away from my dad and any man in my life.  That was this past October.  I closed my business for good.  Although my dad is still telling me I am a failure, I got calls from Toyota wanting me to do all their corporate head shots, a large medical center wanting me to be their corporate photographer, and a bank chain wanting me to do their corporate shots in the state of Texas.  Those calls all came in like a month time.  And my dad keeps saying that he gave me all my clients...but they told me they found me through my website, SEO, or social media.  Soooooo it's been 5 months since I have been away and I am back living with my mom.  But I have paid off all my studio bills and I am free of all the contracts and mess that I was in.  And I am happy again :)  Oh, and 2 years ago I was on Bourbon street in New Orleans and a shooting broke out but I got to shelter fast and was not shot...I was maybe 10 feet from the gunman O_O And this past February I was on a cruise ship called the Triumph that caught fire and we lost power and we were drifting lost in the ocean for 5 was on the news a lot.  Lol the exciting life I live.

So, what now? Well, after going through all looks a lot easier.  But I am wanting to restart my business as a photographer but I am wanting to do very artistic stuff.  I felt like I was just "shooting" with my studio. Never inspired.  But my goal was never money, it was to be a better artist.  And now that I am free from all the obligations of my past I was thinking about writing a how to draw anime book part time while doing my photography to support myself...what do yall think?  I still feel a lot of pressure from my dad, my sister just became an Operating room nurse, my 22 year old brother is an engineer for Samsung and my other brother is about to start medical school.  So right now I am the failure of the family.  :(  I love art and I love social media marketing and I was thinking about creating lots of How to videos too.  I don't know where I will be going...but I have really missed being an artist.  I am so inspired again...I feel like I have a whole new outlook on art and I haven't begun creating good work.  I have felt like I have had a lot of pressure on me and now its gone...and I can't get inspired with pressure.  Sorry this is so long...I have really needed to get this out. :(  Some of you have been following me on my facebook for the past 5-6 years and anytime I was depressed I would get messages that would lift me up.  I love you guys <3 so much!  Yall have been a huge part of my life and I can't thank you enough for all the comments and messages I get.  <3 Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

My new FB page! :D

Personal FB:
Add a Comment:
Neon-Emo-ness Featured By Owner 9 hours ago  New member Hobbyist General Artist
ERMAHGERSH IM HAPPY THAT YOU GOT EVERYTHING TOGETHER NOW :D and you're not the failure in your family for wanting to do what you want to do, that makes you one hella character and a great person :D 
CloudsAndSmiles Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Crysa, oh my goodness :(

I was in middle school (the peak of when I wanted to learn how to draw!!) when I came across your tutorials. I still remember them so clearly that I could find them that easily today, and if I think about it now, I actually still follow the way your tutorials taught me! (more specifically wings ands folds).

I am now in University (and unfortunately didn't have as high as a drive to draw for these years inbetween) and thought I'd come back to take a look at these tutorials and maybe I'd understand your tutorials more than when I was just 13... To read this post, oh Crysa :(

As a struggling student as well, reading about your journey was very inspiring. You worked so hard despite all the things getting in the way and though things didn't work out, you still got up on your feet. You are so beautiful in the way you speak, the way you tell your story, the way you live your life and how hard you work (you're also hella stunning in your photos!!). It was very sad to read this all and to know that any man could ever treat a creation of a woman that you are. You are very strong that you have overcome this all and even still think about school and your business and getting everything going.

Crysa I so wish you the best of luck with your life and hope that things will now turn around and go your way. Stay healthy and strong, and thank you for the tutorials that many people like myself rely on.

Much love to you!!
MrsSilico Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Half way through I started crying, but once I got to the end the tears of sadness turned into joy for you, its great that you've gotten your life back.
Monkie-Phsycho-Leah Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're really cool, ya know that? I'm just seeing your page for the first time, but I'm already jealous of your talent. lol I'm 15 years old, and I love to draw. I'm not very good, but I want to get better. I would definitely use your books :) I'm writing a book<img src="…" style="background-color: transparent !important; border: none !important; display: inline-block !important; float: none !important; font-style: normal !important; font-variant: normal !important; font-weight: normal !important; font-size: 12px !important; line-height: normal !important; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif !important; height: 10px !important; margin: 0px 0px 0px 3px !important; min-height: 0px !important; min-width: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; vertical-align: super !important; width: 10px !important; background-position: initial initial !important; background-repeat: initial initial !important;"> of my own, not a drawing book but a Fiction book. lol anyway, I love your art and how you really love what you do! Don't listen to the people who are trying to get you down, you are not a failure, you are succeeding at what YOU want to do, and not giving into others' wishes. and that, isn't failure. That's courage.
Chazzy--Xx Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I remember that your tutorials were what originally inspired me to draw. I don't really draw much now but if art is your thing then stick with I, make it work, you can do it! You've been through a lot and pulled out alright in the end, so I've no doubt you can make your dreams become reality. :) Your original story of losing weight etc also made me get out there and socialize, it helped me when I was going through a rough patch. So thank you (a few years late but hey!), oh and you're awesome and don't forget it! :D
FluffyMcFluffypants Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It takes alot of guts to live a life where everyone tells you that you failed, and that doing what you wanted to do wasn't good enough. Even though everyone says to do something else, in the end it is you that has the choice. That con man may have called you unattractive, and the whole world might have just seemed like a big blur of negative feelings but imagine this, where is that con man now?
Crysa Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013
Very true. Thank you hun. :hug:
mangaluve Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2013
Wow your life sounds interesting. I remember the cruise incident, you were the only one who had amazing shots of it haha. Glad you made it out safe. As for you "being a failure" don't ever feel like that. Success is not measured by how much money you make or how famous you are. Success is knowing that you've done something good that makes you and others happy. And you achieved that, so I'd say you're a success story. Not only dd you exceed in your photography business but you got yourself to overcome your fears and you made yourself healthier, which is the hardest thing in the states. But you did it all. Don't mind the negativity, look towards the positive and look at how far you've come so far. It's amazing how we humans have the power to change everything around us but we don't realize it, you did. With that, I'd like to congratulate you on your success and wish you luck with the next chapter of your life. 
You're an inspiration to many, including me. I wish to achieve half the things you did. I love photography, I'm minoring in business and I'm trying to start my own but I'm lost, im still in school, and I'm in my weight loss journey. my mom is always making jokes about me never getting anywhere in life and it kinda sucks because I think she's right. I love so many things but I'm just not good at any. Wish my life turns out like yours. I love a crazy life. 
Crysa Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2013
Aw hun, your words were so sweet and beautiful.  "My mom is always making jokes about me never getting anywhere in life and it kinda sucks because I think she's right".  Often times, when a parent or someone you love teases or jokes about something that they might actually be dealing with as their own inner struggle...we believe it to be our faults.  That is not something to tease someone about, especially a parent.  If you are still in school, you are too young to feel like you are not getting anywhere in life.  Your mom should be encouraging you...although I do not know the full situation, and you should take what a stranger like me says as a grain of salt, I do recommend that you surround yourself with positive people.  And do not say you are not good at any of the things you love.  I sucked when I started drawing, but I stuck at it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could become better.  I was my own competition and I loved to prove to myself that my own negative voices are wrong.  And hun, from the outside my life seemed crazy...but it is quite painful at times with its ups and someone else, your life might seem like a similar roller coaster. ;) Stay strong and become the change for good that you want to see in the world. :hug:
mangaluve Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014
You know i JUST read your reply. Hahaha. Thank you for your kind words. Im still working to reach my goal. Not always easy, but we gotta do what we gotta do right? 
Add a Comment: